Grilling in the Backyard

Now you might say, "Wait, everything that can be written about grilling has been written." Well, that may be true, and I don't claim to have any special knowledge but I'd like to tell you how I think grilling should be done.

First of all, there is grilling, and there is grilling.

There is modern, temperature controlled, gas fired, easy to monitor grilling. There is also your basic Weber charcoal grill which is also pretty painless. Light your briquettes, preheat the kettle and grill your favorite thing.

There is also the primitive method, sort of like our ancestors the cavemen (er, cave people) did it. No, on second thought, they weren't cave people, they were cave men. They had no time for political correctness. They were concerned about other matters, such as life and death, food and starvation and the natural roles of men and women.

In the modern world we have to be a little more discreet but there are still some basic rules of grilling. The first rule, of course, is that man is the natural master of the grill. Women have been known to try their delicate hand at it but, in most cases, the delicate hand of woman can't take the heat and so it devolves to the natural ruler of the grill, the man of the house.

The first, and most important part of any grilling exercise is the fire. Hardwood, such as oak, fruitwood or other deciduous trees makes the best fire. Of course, you don't want to start grilling while the fire is blazing so you must light a small fire an hour or so ahead of time to allow it to burn down to make a good bed of coals.

A delicate little fire

 Here you see a small fire of peach wood (on the bottom) and oak from some old pallet boards burning down to a good bed of coals.

As the fire burns down and before the actual grilling starts you may find it necessary to add some flavoring wood. In my case, years ago my brother, Harry, brought back some mesquite from a trip he made to the wilds of Arizona, He was nice enough to cut it into rounds anywhere from 1/2" to 3" long. When they are added around the edges of a nice bed of coals they give off the distinctive smoke and aroma of mesquite and flavor whatever is on the grill.

Speaking of, last night I was grilling pork spareribs. Iko and I were the only ones eating dinner. Well, I take that back. Kuro was right there keeping me company and asking for a little taste of the final product. Later he did get some bones.

Meanwhile, after the fire is ready, you need to prep the grill by burning off the residue of the last time you grilled. I put my grate on while the fire is still pretty hot so all the old fat, slivers of meat and various bugs get toasted nice and brown and are easy to scrape off.

Spareribs just getting started

 As I said, last night I was grilling spareribs. Meat seems to be the thing that most men grill but it hasn't always been so with me. I've always liked veggies so several years ago I decided to go vegan. I didn't so much mind giving up the meat but I did miss the cheese. I'm a cheese lover so I suffered withdrawal from my favorite cheddar and manchego.

During that period I grilled eggplant, squash, tomatoes and various other non-meat products. I even tried tofu but it didn't take well to the grill and often fell apart. I may not have been doing it right but. . .

After a couple years I decided that going vegetarian might be the way to go. There are lots of different kinds of vegetarians so you can pick your diet, so to speak. There are those who eat eggs, fish, milk products or other varieties of non-meat.

After a couple years of that regimen I decided that I would fit a little meat into my diet so I became a flexitarian.

Now I still eat mostly vegetables. For instance, last night we had spareribs but tonight we had a large Greek salad with garlic toast. Now I'm flexible.

Sometimes I will have a beef steak, sometimes rabbit or lamb or venison. Usually small portions and spread out over other non-meat meals. As Aristotle says in his Ethical Doctrine, ". . .avoid extremes of all sorts and seek moderation in all things."

Now we come to another important part of grilling. Cook until done but not until dried out.

Here it behooves the master griller to chose a beverage to sip while letting the coals do their job. Some people say that beer is the only thing to drink while grilling. I don't argue their point but I think most anything with alcohol will do. For that matter, it isn't even necessary to have alcohol, Last night I had gin and tonic to ease the mind and keep the malaria mosquitoes at bay. Once the right mental state is achieved the patient griller will intuit the condition of the meat as it cooks. A good tradeoff when it turns out the perfectly grilled product.

As the coals die down it may be necessary to add to occasional round of mesquite or other piece of hardwood

Finally it is time to call in the distaff side of the household. When the meat is triumphantly delivered to the table, the table should be set with the proper tools, the accompanying dishes, the right wine glass and the wine properly decanted or allowed to breathe.

Of course these tasks will be performed by the woman who has been busy taking care of the dining room and its settings while the man has been busy grilling those fabulous ribs. Or steaks. Or veggies.

Now if I could just figure out how to grill tofu. Maybe marinate it in oil and spices?